


A Collection of Clone High (on Paint Thinner) One Shots

by karkittycat413



Category: Clone High
Genre: Communism, Democratic Socialism, Furry, Gay, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:14:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karkittycat413/pseuds/karkittycat413
Summary: a collection of clone high one shots but we are insane and high on paint thinner
Relationships: JFK/Karl Marx
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	A Collection of Clone High (on Paint Thinner) One Shots

JFK was standing up from his seat, nearly climbing over the desk to tell off this dirty fucking commie. “AMERICA IS, THE GREATEST COUNTRY, TO EVER EXIST, YOU THIRD RATE KGB WHORE,”

Marx scoffed. He was turned around in his chair, a smug expression plastered all over his dumb fucking face. “Typical Westerner. So self absorbed. Tell me, does your country’s blatant imperialism fill you with pride as well?”

“YOU STOP, USING THOSE WORDS, AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN, ” 

“JESUS H CRISTO, WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!” Susan B. Anthony yelled from the back of the classroom. Feisty broad.

“ANTHONY! LANGUAGE! My GOD, what is WRONG with you all today?” Mr. Washington shot up from his desk at the front of the classroom. “Susan, go to the office NOW. And as for you, Marx and Kennedy, I’ll be seeing you after class. Now, if you’re all done with your squabbling, let’s get back to our lesson on the roles and powers of the president.”

JFK locked eyes with Marx. The sounds of Susan arguing with Mr. Washington filtered out into background noise. God, he hated this communist fuck. What right did he have to disparage his great country’s legacy with his dumb fucking mouth and his stupid fucking beard and his stupid commie eyes and his stupid plump commie lips and- What? He quickly looked away, fixing his gaze securely on a world map. Ah yes. America. Land of the Free. A land where good, upstanding men HATED communist traitors and that hate did NOT, under any circumstances, have homoerotic undertones.

\----------

“Now, boys, you should know how incredibly disappointed I am in the both of you. If you’re going to argue in my class, I expect CIVIL debate.”

“Didn’t your clone father command the army in the Revolutionary War?” Marx crossed his arms smugly.

“Do not backtalk me.” Mr. Washington sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m sure you’re both aware that you’re failing this class. I’m going to give you two options. Option A: I fail both of you, and you go on to live meaningless lives working at Mcdonald’s together.”

“Fucking classist.” Marx muttered.

“Or, option B: you do a project that will give both of you passing grades. So what will it be?”

“We’ll take the project, Mr. Washington.” JFK piped up before Marx could get a word in.

“Excellent. I’m excited to see the work you do.” He headed to his desk and began to rifle through his cabinets.

“You fucking DICK!” Marx whisper-yelled. He shoved JFK, who responded by punching him in the stomach, and suddenly they were entangled on the floor of the classroom, biting and clawing at each other violently.

“This project- WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING!” Washington ran to the heap collapsed on the floor and, much like one would do to an attacking dog, pulled on either side of Marx’s mouth to get him to release his grip on JFK’s arm. He held the communist back from attacking the other boy again, who was cowering in fear under the presidential powers bulletin board.

“HE STARTED IT MR. WASHINGTON-” JFK wailed.

“SHUT UP YOU BOURGEOIS BITCH!” Marx strained against Washington’s grip.

Eventually, Marx stopped fighting. 

“Are you done?” Mr. Washington questioned.

“...Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Just let me go, man!”

Mr. Washington released his grip on the boy, who crossed his arms and snarled at Kennedy.

“If we’re done, I’ll describe your project.”

Marx and JFK gave each other a hostile glance before nodding.

“Excellent. In this project, you and your partner will compromise to create a governmental system you are both happy with. You’ll consider the other’s point of view compared to your own, and decide on a happy medium.”

“You’re… you’re kidding, right?” Marx laughed.

“I’m completely serious, Karl. This will be good for you two. You need to learn to consider other points of view if you want to grow into the leaders your clone fathers were before you.”

“Actually, Marks wasn’t a leader, unlike Kennedy, who was, er, uh, the president-”

“Oh, you mean the one who got assassinated by his own government?”

“WHY I OUGHTA-”

“BOYS!” They stopped mid-lunge. “You WILL compromise to finish this project, or you will both FAIL this class. Do I make myself clear?” They nodded sheepishly, suddenly feeling less violent. “Good. You better hurry to your next class, the bell rings in two minutes.”

Marx glanced incredulously at the clock before running off.

“I’D ARGUE, BUT I HAVE TO GET TO SOCIOLOGY! I’LL TEXT YOU, KENNEDY!” Since when did Marx have his number?! No time to think, he had a Latin class to run to.

\----------

JFK sat in a booth in The Grassy Knoll, surrounded by his bitches. Fuck yes. This was America, where a man could date as many females and women, of the opposite sex, as he so choosed. God Bless. 

The bell on the door jingle jangled. His jaw clenched. There he was. Stupid commie fuck. The Red Menace strode over smugly, a fat book under his arm. He dropped it on a table with a THUMP and stared directly at him.

“So, Kennedy, as much as I would love to guillotine you here and now, it appears that our cooperation is necessary. Think of it like the-” he grimaced, “Soviet-US alliance in World War Two. I’ll have you know that the Soviets were the ones instrumental in defeating the-”

“MARX, YOU ARE, UH, SCARING THE HOES,”

“The only hoes under our government, Jaundiced F Kennedy, will be those used by the workers to break free of their chains and produce food from each according to their own ability in the agriculture industry.” He threw his bag down on the table, and JFK couldn’t help but notice the button emblazoned with what looked like an anthropomorphic fox wearing thigh highs.

Oh God. He could feel his hoes pulling away. “ER UH, I’LL SEE YOU AROUND HUSSY!” No use. They were gone. He threw his head down on the table, defeated and hoe-less. “WHAT DO YOU, EVEN WANT FROM ME… HAVEN'T YOU UH, RUINED MY LIFE ENOUGH,”

“We have a project to do, breeder.” What the fuck did this red twink just call him??

“Listen JFK, let’s get a few things straight… which I’m not… lol, so first and foremost, we OBVIOUSLY hate each other. I know Mr. Washingdumb wants us to “cooperate” or whatever the fuck, but you’re going to let me have full control of this, capisce?”

“What the fuck? No, Marx, I, er, uh, will not give you full control of this project, you COMMIE BASTARD.” He instinctively dove across the table, wrapping his hands around Marx’s neck, not in a sexual way, but a violent one. NOT sexual. IT WAS NOT SEXUAL. HE WAS NOT FUCKING GAY! HE LOVED BITCHES AND BROADS AND THAT’S IT!

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME JFGAY!!” Marx clawed at his girthy hands, powerless to stop their red blooded NOT IN A COMMUNIST WAY American grip. Finally, JFK came to his senses, removing his meaty claws from the commie’s breath-tube.

“Sorry Marx, I, er, uh, lost control for a minute there.” Everyone in the diner was staring at them with contempt, excluding the various teens making out, who continued to make out.

“Ugh, it’s fine. Whatever, we’ll compromise or whatever the fuck... “ JFK stared at Marx’s juicy little commie lips as he spoke. Maybe a little bit gayly. He was a little horny. It was only because he’d been deprived of his dames, though. 

“So uh, I think that first and foremost, our great, er, uh, nation, should be capitalist!” JFK cried out. The diner began to clap, slowly at first, but gradually growing in volume and intensity. Catherine the Great fell down immediately at his feet.

“MY GOD JFK, FUCK, CAPITALISM MAKES ME SO HORNY, PLEASE TAKE ME NOW!” She moaned.

“Now, now, ladies, if I fucked every girl who wanted me for my capitalist views, I could start a monopoly! On pussy!” The diner erupted into laughter and applause.

“COULD YOU FOCUS FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE!!” Marx jumped up and stood atop the booth. The diner began to boo. “OH, SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BOAR JWA ZEES!!” [a/n: can't spell it]

“I obviously think we should have a communist system-” Marx watched as JFK began retching and vomiting all over the floor, “BUT CLEARLY we are going to have to compromise… so our country will be socialist instead.” Marx grimaced.

“SOCIALISM??? Like that Bernie motherfucker on the tele? Absolutely NOT, twinkle toes!” Marx looked like he was about to stab his pencil through his eye with his cute, twinkish hands. Personally, JFK could go for stabbing HIS pencil through something right now, if you caught his drift. Not with Marx though obviously, he had TONS of hoes and broads of all kinds at his disposal so really there was no point in nailing this filthy commie even if his eyes WERE pretty.

“...I, er, suppose I COULD let some kind of “universal healthcare” system slide…” Marx’s face softened in relief for just a second. “...but do NOT tell Cleo about this. As you recall, she hates the poor. And her tits are so fat that, uh, I’m inclined to agree,” 

“Fuck you and your stupid capitalist- Okay. Okay. Calm down, Marx. Breathe. JFK, our system… can be capitalist…” He looked down at the table, grinding his teeth and pulling at his hair. Jesus. “... with socialist characteristics... “ A tear came to his eye.

“Eugh, glad that’s, er, uh, settled then…” JFK sighed. It hurt to betray his love of capitalism, but he needed to pass this class. How else would he carry on the Kennedy tradition of being a neoliberal politician??

“Next, we need to decide… um… authoritarianism vs. lib- liberal-” Marx threw himself down on the table, sobbing.

“LIBERALISM ALL THE WAY! LIBERALISM! LIBERALS! LET’S GO LIBS!” JFK screamed to the diner. There were significantly less applause this time, with the clones of monarchs in particular giving him dirty looks. Thomas Jefferson looked like he was on the verge of busting all over his little colonial trousers, though.

“I’m not a fucking liberal I’m not a fucking liberal I’m NOT A FUCKING LIBERAL…” Marx dug through his bag, pulling out a red journal with the hammer and sickle on it. Rabidly, he began to write.

“What are you, er, uh, writing, Marx! I demand to see it!” Kennedy reached across the table, grabbing the journal from the communist’s hands.

“NONONO KENNEDY DO NOT FUCKING READ THAT-” Marx attempted to dive across the table for it, but was stopped by Kennedy’s hand in his face, holding him back.

“Let’s see here, er, uh, today’s entry… KENNEDY MAKES ME SO PISSED OFF I AM NOT A FUCKING LIBERAL HE’S SO FUCKING STUPID!! HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT THE REAL WORLD STUPID FUCKING NEOLIBERAL! GOD I COULD JUST KI… huh, the writing cuts off! What were you going to say, Marxie?” God he hoped he was going to write kiss. For strictly platonic and heterosexual reasons. 

“FUCK YOU KENNEDY! FUCK YOU! AND FUCK THIS PROJECT!” Marx hissed and ran out of the diner, leaving his belongings behind.

“Sigh, just like a commie to, er, uh, leave their private possessions in the hands of the state, by which I mean myself…” JFK continued to flip through the journal, reading every private thought the commie fuck had. Honestly, it was pretty boring. It was all about how he was “depressed” or how his “mom found his fursuit head and grounded him for three weeks”. He didn’t really know what a fursuit was, but he assumed it was some weird kink thing. JFK had a journal, too, but all he wrote about in it was all the broads he’d nailed. 

He was about throw the thing out and go look for that little flake when he landed on The page. His eyes widened. On the paper before him was a rough sketch of a muscular...fella? He was all furry, that was for sure. More alarming was the fact that he was wearing nothing but skanky lingerie, and posing rather suggestively. That hair looked oddly familiar. He brought it up closer to his face, which was NOT blushing. Honestly this was degenerate level porn and he would never even- wait was that his fucking name?

There, right under the tail. “JFK”. And a heart scribbled next to it. His face heated up and he quickly hid the book under the table, where he hoped no one could see. What the hell? Why was this bozo drawing him as a furry fella? He looked again. To be fair, he did render his abs gorgeously. Good to know that everyone ELSE knew he was muscular as all hell and also hot and a stud.

He looked around to make sure no one was watching, and then discreetly ripped out the page and shoved it in his pocket. For later, uh, inspection. Never knew what these commie bastards were really up to. 

Might as well go find the little bugger, then. Any guy that would draw him as the stud he was was a guy he could get along with, even if he was a traitor to the state. He assumed that Marx would be able to regulate himself without intervention, but clearly that wasn’t working. With a long, drawn out sigh that caused even Susan B. Anthony to begrudgingly swoon, he headed outside to find the little communist.

“Marxie… where are youuu…” JFK crooned sexily. He heard sniffling coming from behind the dumpsters. Good thing the Kennedys had laser sharp elf ears…NOT gay elf ears….

“Go- Go the fuck away, bootlicker…” He was slumped down in the corner between the dumpster and the wall, his face rosy and wet with tears.

“Hey, whatever you’re into,” he shrugged, walking over. Damn, he didn’t take him for the sado-masochistic type. 

Marx began to cry harder, turning into the filthy wall he was sitting beside. 

“Eugh, you poors have no value for clothing… Look how filthy your hoodie with wolves howling on it is getting…” JFK squatted beside the communist, unwilling to ruin his perfectly good Kennedy suit jacket. “Now tell me what’s wrong, you little, er, uh… broad…” FUCK THAT DID NOT JUST COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!!

Luckily, Marx didn’t seem to notice, what with the sobbing and all. “I j- just, I… you stole my journal! And- and I wrote- and, um- drew- some really private things in there! Y- you capitalist pig!”

...Damn. He didn’t mean to get the little twink so worked up. Getting into dumb rivalries with random dudes was kind of his thing, he didn’t realize that this guy was so… sensitive. 

Pretending he wasn’t totally popping a stiffy, JFK reached out and put his hand on Marx’s shoulder. “I, er, uh, didn’t mean to hurt you, Marx, my esteemed… comrade…” Marx looked up at JFK tearfully.

“You’re, er, uh,” how was he going to say this without sounding gay as hell, “I care about you, even though we’re rivals, and, er, your weird anti-american views, no, uh, homo though, got that?”

Marx stood up slowly, covered in filthy chunks of asphalt and meat juice. “You… you really mean that?” He sniffled. God JFK was going to get his dick WET. NOT IN A GAY WAY THOUGH he was wearing socks.

“Urgh Marx you’re… you’re making me so… HORNY… NOT IN A GAY WAY… I LOVE WOMEN…” He stood to his full height and roughly dragged the little communist closer to him by the straps of his sweaty hoodie. He stepped forward and began to passionately make out with Marx, grinding dryly against him in what yet again was a purely heterosexual manner.

“God I hate- I hate you so much, Kennedy-” Marx said between make-outs.

“Hrgh, feeling’s the same, commie,” JFK panted.

“Kennedy, I… I…” Marx pulled back. “How much of my journal… did you read…” He bit his lip.

“If you’re asking if I saw the page of my dressed as a, er, uh, catboy, the answer is yes.” Marx began to tear up again, preparing to run off, but Kennedy held him in place.

“Wait Marx no it was HOT!” That stopped the communist in his tracks. “Do you… do you want to do a catboy roleplay with me…” JFK leaned in, biting his earlobe.

“God oh god yes, yes Kennedy, please be my catboy master!” Marx moaned. 

Well, that settled it. JFK hurriedly grabbed their things from inside and took them to his car. The project was infinitely less important than fucking Marx’s tight little bearsona boypussy.

\----------

“Well boys, I must admit that I am very impressed by your work!” Mr. Washington exclaimed. “When I assigned you this project, I didn’t have very high hopes, but you’ve gone above and beyond! I had no idea you held such strong left wing views, JFK!”

“Let’s just say… something, or, er, uh, someone, I guess, changed my views…” JFK smiled and squeezed Marx’s ass tighter. 

He wore his cat ear headband proudly atop his head.

**Author's Note:**

> and that baby? bernie sanders


End file.
